Retrospective warning – grossness lies ahead!
I got to the end of typing this and thought – oops, someone out there is bound to get all snowflakey about where this post ends up…
This is it for me for now.
It’s that time of year again when I disappear until the autumn. My bags aren’t packed. To be honest, I don’t even know where the bags are… They might be in the attic but then again…
This year, I’m only disappearing metaphorically. But I guess with everything that’s gone on recently, most people will be only travelling metaphorically. How many people have you seen who need to be gently harrumphed into moving ahead in a queue and got the response “Sorry, I was miles away.” or “Oh, I drifted off for a moment.”?
Well, at least you don’t need a passport.
Oh! And no travel sickness. And no running around the house checking you’ve switched everything off, locked the doors, etc. No decanting all your toiletries into those teeny funky bottles. No making sure you’ve packed enough underwear (plus one spare day’s worth). No panicking about whether you should take an entire first aid cabinet with you just in case you get ill…
I was abroad once when I got a heat rash on my foot. So I went to the pharmacy for some cream. I speak the language fluently, so it shouldn’t have been a problem. I explained and got the reply “Mushrooms.”
Stop there for a moment.
I later worked out that she meant fungus – aka Athlete’s Foot.
I repeated myself. She repeated herself. I repeated myself again. She repeated herself again.
And round and round we went.
A queue started to form behind me. Their patience was almost audible. And soon the patience bubbled over into altruism. And before I knew it, I had my bare foot up on the (very high) counter with half-a-dozen complete strangers weighing in with their opinion.
A lively debate ensued and after 10 minutes, a consensus was reached. I had heat rash.
And I was allowed to take my foot off the counter and was sent away with a tiny tube of extremely expensive emollient cream that smelled of peppermint.
Turns out it was basically peppermint foot lotion. Same ingredients. And about 5 times the price of ordinary foot lotion.
So yes, it’s me. I am that person who has a remedy for everything packed in their bag.
I got distracted, didn’t I?
See you in the autumn!