Pardon the gross title. Heh heh heh…
Aaand I’m back! Happy autumn, everyone! I’ve been away, in hiding/hibernation/cold storage. I have to do this every year, just in case we have a decent summer here in Britain. It’s yet to happen, but I would hate to get caught out!
So, here I am, with more raves, rants, and seriously random health tips…
And I’m not the only one that’s back. The students have started reappearing in their case-dragging masses. Which means one thing: very, very late loud nights. Now, this really shouldn’t bother me, what with my being a nocturnal animal and all that. Sadly, just like humans, I still have bills, and those bills say that I have to be a diurnal animal (luckily, I love my job!). This means that (like a lot of humans) I have to sleep during the night.
This is made extremely difficult because I’m constantly being distracted by my animal loving side hearing what sounds like a hundred cats being strangled outside. Of course, it isn’t a hundred cats being strangled at all: it’s just a hundred drunken teenagers let off the leash for possibly the first time in their lives.
But you really know when the students are back when you’re in a supermarket and it takes six people to buy one chocolate bar. And then the following conversation ensues at the till:
A: I’ve only got 47p I need 79p. B, can you lend me the rest? I’ll pay you back later.
B: I’ve only got 20p on me but I still owe you £1.50 from last night so if I give you the 20p would that do for now?
C: I tell you what, B owes me £1.70 for that bottle of water, so if I give you the money, she can owe me.
A: Great, thank you!
C: Oh, but I only have a 50 pence coin on me at the moment… I know, if-
Just buy the wretched chocolate!!!
Then, to add to the externally imposed sleep deprivation, there’s the meteorologically based skin problems…
Sunburn: no problem. Eat loads of tomatoes; cover up, aloe vera for the unlucky bits.
And then there’s the real villain: cold sores. Now, I know most people get these during winter, but for me, when I get them, they’re triggered by sunlight. But here’s a little secret that the pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to know about: Lysine.
Here comes the science bit…
Our DNA is made up of strands of four chemicals (called base pairs) holding hands: Adenine with Thymine, and Cytosine with Guanine. The only time they let go is when your body’s cells split to make new cells. Viruses like cold sores have their own twisty-windy thing called RNA, which is basically a cheap knock-off, using the pairs Adenine/Uracil and Guanine/Cytosine. Viruses con your body into replicating them instead of your own cells. So when your DNA unzips itself, ready to get all jiggy and replicatey, the viral string of RNA slips up in there and tricks your cells into making another one of it, rather than another body cell. Rather like when you go to make a cuppa and your lazy toad friend says “Hey, make me one while you’re there!”
So, in steps Lysine. It interrupts the process, acting in much the same way as a vet in the same room as a male dog and a big pair of scissors. Take this and it will stop them in their tracks. Until of course, you catch the next one!
Okay, so I’ve probably just lost any readers who are biologists with my simplifying and Everyday-ifying this. Oh well.
Just…. Trust me on this.
It’s good to be back.
Follow me on Twitter @EverydayVampire
It’ll be fun. Honest.
The Everyday Vampire 