Recently ordered a pizza online for the first time since we moved. And of course, for the first time since the hubster went vegan. It’s even got a tracker now that tells you what point your order is at. The app, that is. Not the hubster. I think it goes something like this:
Step 1
your order has been received.
Step 2
staff have now taken your order to the kitchen.
Step 3
staff are saying “****ing vegans!”
EDIT: Shortly after finally getting our pizza, we have since noticed that that particular company no longer delivers to our area. We are apparently ‘out of their delivery zone‘. We live less than a mile away.
Just seen a pick up truck with the license plate T 400. Maybe thinking – is this actually the terminator crossover with Transformers? Or is it just the transport for one of the early terminators? Well, let’s face it – the first terminator was probably mechanical pencil sharpener with a bad attitude.
I know most people would shout me down for saying this but… I actually kind of miss Lockdown…? I don’t miss Covid 19, mind you. And yes, I did catch it, despite all my efforts. I caught it right at the end. I really don’t like the idea of going back out into places filled with people… especially people who – especially now social distancing is a thing of the past – still don’t get the concept of personal space! Thankfully, I never really needed an excuse to get outside in Nature. “I think that I never shall see a poem lovely as a tree” (Joyce Kiilmer)
Poetry! I do love poetry, but give me the good-old-fashioned stuff like Keats and Milton. A lot of stuff these days… especially in adverts and cards and stuff… I’m talking the stuff that’s all a bit Emperor’s New Clothes. Poetry in that case is the literary equivalent of ‘expressive dance’. Just throw some words/movies randomly at people and call it high art! And the best bit is – these days, you don’t actually have to have much talent! I am not knocking expressive dance or freeform poetry when It’s done properly, just the people who use such things to label their nonsense and try to make it impressive.
I remember attending an ‘Arts Evening’ once. I did feel uncomfortable. Everybody was all like “oh, let me get my singing stones out and we’ll dance around the fire made of walnuts and sing the praises of the great wizard Jangletang.” And I just had to sit there and listen to these interminable flipping poems and chunks of stories about everything from nutmeg fairies to magical knickers, desperately wanting it all to end and then watching them as they congratulated each other on how brilliant they were…
What really gets your goat? I’d love to know!
For anyone wanting to read all my rants in one place – including all-new exclusive stuff, then click below!
Volume 1 of my diary – why not start at the very beginning?
Volume 2 – more rants, musings and fairly useful advice
Volume 3 – things are afoot! The thot plickens…
The Everyday Vampire 