Let’s get this contentious issue out of the way immediately…
There is no such practical thing as ‘finding’ a soulmate. (I’ve probably lost half of you straight away)
It comes from Greek myth.
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
From the people who brought you the woman who turns men to stone with one look, and the man with a bull’s head… Funny how we don’t hold those stories quite so dear as a lifestyle choice...
Soulmates do exist, yes, but finding one? Practical thinking now, people. Measure it up against the other myths.
No, folks, narcissists don’t turn into flowers; ferrymen do get paid, and let’s not even talk about Oedipus! And yet folks are happy to believe there’s that one perfect person who will magically appear.
One?! Just one?! I don’t know about you, but I don’t fancy those odds! And if you never find them? Well, that makes you responsible for ruining the life of someone out there…
And what if you find the wrong person? You’re depriving someone of their soulmate, thereby ruining the lives of three people.
You make the person you choose your soulmate. And they in turn make you theirs.
Okay, so let’s buy into this for a moment… say that –
YOU’VE FOUND HIM/HER – WHAT NEXT?
Prince Charming farts, Belle has to sort out Beast’s ingrown chin hairs, and Rapunzel’s prince picks his teeth at the dinner table.
The fairy tale is there, but sometimes the world gets in the way. Take as simple a thing as your prince waking you up in the morning…
The Hollywood:
He kissed her gently on her forehead. She stretched languorously, sighing as she slowly awakened. Peeling back the covers, she slipped gracefully from the bed and, with her hair slightly tousled and her make-up still intact, she smiled gorgeously at him as she slinked off to the bathroom.
The reality:
He kissed her gently on her forehead. She stretched awkwardly through the tangle of bedclothes, letting rip a terrifying fart and a satisfied groan as something clicked in her back. Ignoring the look of gassed-out horror on his face, she tumbled gracelessly from the bed, releasing such odours as would make her beloved’s face crease in disbelief as she lumped her way to the bathroom, tripping over last night’s bed socks as she went.
While describing the stories of fairytale heroines, a wise man once said: “Sandwiched between their ‘once upon a time’ and ‘happily ever after‘, they all had to experience great adversity.”
The fairy tale can continue – particularly if you look at it from an eternal perspective – you just have to accept that while you are living in this world, worldly things will sneak in and kill the moment. A lot. It would be wonderful, for example, to spend forever staring into each other’s eyes, but you must eat, or your human body will die. To eat, you must cook.
To cook, you must have food.
To have food, you must shop.
To shop, you must have money.
To have money, you must work.
To work, you must rest.
To rest, you must have a safe place, a home.
To have a home, you must –
You get the idea. And don’t even get me started on the washing up (no, literally – don’t!)!
And, of course, the going to the bathroom. I’ve never seen a fairy tale princess sat on the bog – have you? So unromantic and yet so unavoidable.
Life cannot be 100% fairy tale – you’d be dead within a month – see above. But neither can life be 100% the human necessities. So…
If you can just accept that these icky human details must and will be attended to, you will be able to enjoy the fairy tale moments much more.
So, dance on the beach in the moonlight, kiss under the stars… Just remember – that toilet won’t clean itself.
And then we’ll all live happy ever after.
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Ah… that’s better.
The Everyday Vampire 