It’s Halloween again. It’s been 7 whole years since I first started sharing my ramblings with you. Well, nobody has asked me to stop, so… I have a little linky gifty for you. Read on…
Funnily enough, it all began with me highlighting the wondrous mind-bogglingness that is the human thought process (I did want to say human stupidity, but someone out there who’s desperately looking to be offended will probably zero in on it and get all precious on me. Seriously, who goes out of their way to cheese off a vampire?
This is where it started… with a post called “As good a day as any” Yes, I know the date says 6 years ago, but I was (slightly) young(er) and foolish(er) (er, no) at the time and decided to reblog the post, not realising that it wouldn’t just repeat the post, it physically moved the whole thing. Lesson learned.
But last year, with everything that was going on, Halloween was pretty much a non-event. This year, people are still tending to do Halloween in their own homes more, so I guess dressing up might not be as much of a thing? Correct me if I’m wrong. Go ahead. I dare you. Just joking. Or am I? Instead, it seemed to have evolved into more of a stay-at-home film fest type of thing (we’re doing an online virtual escape room this year – we found a site containing some absolute corkers! Click here to see for yourself). We also have a large amount of vampire-friendly treats ready to hand out. And if we don’t get to hand them out, we’ll probably end up scoffing the lot ourselves and ending up quite bloaty.
I know what you’re thinking…
What’s with the trick-or-treating shark?
We were looking for some films to watch over the weekend. The hubster came across a list of Halloween movies and asked how could Jaws be a Halloween film? I thought that perhaps the people who’d compiled the list had mixed two iconic horrors up – Halloween and Friday The 13th plus everyone knows the old thing of ‘fish-on-a-Friday’..?
Just wondering…
And don’t get started on the whole “Die-Hard-is-a-Cristmas-film” thing. What do you think? Let me know in the comments!
Back to sharks. Apparently, shark attacks aren’t as big a thing as people think and, according to one Florida site, sharks just nibble people if they’re confused. So, there you go – you humans are not actually on the menu! It doesn’t have any statistics for shark attacks on vampires, but that might have something to do with that gloriously sunny part of the world not being a major holiday destination for vampires on the whole.
Here’s my theory about the nibbling. Perhaps sharks are more like toddlers? Picture the scene. Mummy and Daddy Shark are trying to get fussy Little Shark to eat something. Anything. They’ve tried krill, squid, coral, oysters. Basically, everything going. And then a lightbulb moment. They present the fussy little brat with a nice squishy human. The ultimate (not so) fast food. It even comes with its own dress-up outfits and accessories!
Daddy Shark: “Doesn’t this look yummy, junior?”
Junior: “I don’t like it!”
Mummy Shark (slightly exasperated):“But you haven’t even tried it!”
Junior: “I know I won’t like it.”
Daddy Shark: “Just try a bite.”
Junior: NO.
Mummy Shark: Just one teeny weeny bite?
Junior: “It’s yucky.”
Mummy Shark: Well I’m going to try it. Hmm. Just a teensy nibble. Hmm… yum yum.”
And Junior continues to refuse to eat and starts pestering to go to Seaweed Hut instead…
Gives a whole new perspective on that Baby Shark song…
We live in a little seaside town. No sharks. Amazing beaches with absolutely no danger of being eaten, bitten or even nibbled. Even by me – you know my rule. Although that theory (and my patience) has been tested recently.
You see, it’s school autumn break over here, which means our picturesque (and perfectly safe) little town is once more overrun with tourists. And we’re not talking the ‘pay for everything with a fresh £50 note’ type that I mentioned last time. Not only do they lack basic social awareness (and coming from me, that’s saying something!) they even seem to lack basic life skills. Additional lack of mathematical knowledge seems to be the current trend. Some examples…
The ‘herder’ – having no awareness of space or distance, these are the ones who gather in huge groups in the very middle of the pavement, often taking up the entire pavement. Consequently, everyone else is forced off the pavement, herded into the road and into the path of oncoming traffic.
The ‘can’t-count-to-6’ – The other day, the hubster and I were in the local grocer buying something for lunch. The thing is, here, facemasks are still legally required. Over the border, pretty much anything goes nowadays. Back to normal. Let’s all do exactly what we want. Just much, much louder. Plus many places here still have a set number of people allowed in. In this particular shop, that number is six. As we are having to buy quite a lot of items, both of us had gone in. So there we were, and at the front of the queue were three people, all clearly from the same group but only one of them was doing any shopping. They’d been in there a long time already. In between them and us was another person.
Six.
Another potential customer on their lunch break steps into the shop, does a quick headcount, makes an apologetic exclamation and leaves. This sensible soul is then pushed out of the way by person number four from the group at the front of the queue. They’re asked politely to leave the shop as only six are legally allowed inside. “oh, it’s alright.” They say, grinning inanely, “I’m with them.” And they point to the three people from their group who are all busy videoing the pasties but still can’t seem to decide between buying a single sausage roll or a pizza slice. All three staff numbers take it in turns to explain why they have to leave the shop. Pandemic. Social distancing. The law. Maximum of six in the shop. The stupid grin just grows wider. They stand their ground, nodding. Soon, the other customers start joining in and pleading with this genius to leave. “It’s okay,” they grin, even more inanely, “I’m not buying anything.”
And that’s supposed to make it better?
Anyway, staff members stop short of walking the person out of the store by simply serving the rest of the group as quickly as possible whereupon they all meander out. It turns out that there’s at least another half dozen of them waiting outside on the very narrow pavement which puts the rest of them into category one – the herder.
And, just one more…
The ‘no-idea-of-distance’ – this one really got my goat. I mean, you know how careful (paranoid, even) I am about keeping my distance from people. So, we’re in the queue at the mini-market, standing the statutory distance from the person in front, if not a little further. Obviously, we have no idea what’s going on behind us, but that’s not the issue. Anyway, the person in front turns around and starts yelling at us to move back, that we’re not keeping far enough away from them. We try to point out that we were indeed more than far enough away but they continue screaming at us. I’d love to know how they could tell we were apparently too close when we were standing behind them! So – complete inability to judge distances but special talent: eyes in back of head.
Anyway, they paid for their groceries (after making an inordinate amount of actual physical contact with the person serving them) and eventually trotted out and returned (I’m guessing) to their gingerbread cottage. They were probably in a bad mood because their oven had gone out and they needed to get it ready for the children that might be trotting their way this weekend. You can never tell, can you?
Still, enough of this nonsense. Have a great weekend, everyone. Take the bestest care of yourselves. Let me know in the comments what you’ve got planned. I’d also love to hear from anyone who’s tried out the escape rooms in the above link.
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For anyone wanting to read all my rants in one place – including all-new exclusive stuff, then click below!
Volume 1 of my diary – why not start at the very beginning?
Volume 2 – more rants, musings and fairly useful advice
Volume 3 – things are afoot! The thot plickens…
The Everyday Vampire 