The four signs of madness

I thought I’d do things a little differently today. I’m out for a long walk along the river. I’m actually walking along the banks of the river, making a voice memo recording of this, as I don’t particularly fancy being one of those people who marches along, head down, tapping away furiously at a virtual keyboard then bumps into someone and blames them for not looking where I was going! The only trouble is, it’s a nice day – and by ‘nice day’ I mean there’s a mostly blue sky and so it’s quite inviting, if cold. I like the cold.

The only trouble is that you get a lot of people walking past, so you have to be very careful what you admit to out loud and…

….that was a bit of a long pause. Yep, somebody walked past. So, there we go. It’s a lovely day. I do like being outdoors. Outdoors is my natural element, I think. Lovely and earthy. And speaking of earth, no, I don’t have a coffin, but I do have a lovely comfy bed.

Ooh, blackberries! The blackberries are still out! What?! Blackberries in December?! Blackberries in September, yes, but in October, November and December?! Still, we also had them in July and August… What is going on with Mother Nature? She seems to be going through some sort of teenage rebellion. She’s got one up on me, then!

Anyway, as I said, today I’m walking down by the river. There’s a lovely wintry snap in the air and everyone’s footsteps are crunchy. I’ve just noticed a section of the river down by the town lock has been completely closed off. The lock itself is completely empty of water, while on either side, the frustrated water sits impatiently. I’m not sure what is being done. I can only presume it’s for some kind of repairs to the lock walls or something. All I know is that there are a lot of extremely cheesed-off ducks on either side of the artificial ‘dam’. They’re really, really annoyed!

But life’s like that, isn’t it? You see a path that you desperately want to take and something, for some reason (often totally out of the blue), blocks your way. And you just want to yell “GETOUTTAMYWAY!!!” but it doesn’t get out of your way. It’s not fair. It’s mocking you. It’s doing this deliberately, it seems… It just stays there, and you don’t know why at the time. You may not know why until afterwards. You may not know for ages why or you may never know. But you don’t know what is going on in the background.

Things block our paths for a reason. Other paths open up for us for a reason. However, the ducks probably don’t realise that. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the ducks don’t realise that. I highly doubt that there is a duck out there that has the awareness to say “Ah… I understand… the structural integrity of the lock wall foundations have been seriously compromised by wear and tear due to sustained usage over time… Therefore intervention by the stick-winged two-legs is necessary to maintain the safety of that structure, thereby ensuring the future safety of those that built it; those that use it and, most importantly, my feathered self. Thus being essential – indirectly – to the continuation of my progeny.”

Hm. No. All I can hear is a chorus of furious [QUACK]s.

Mind you. I’m a fine one to talk. Here I am, chatting away to myself, essentially.

First sign of madness: talking to yourself.

Second sign of madness: talking to yourself and laughing at your own jokes.

Third sign of madness: arguing with yourself.

Fourth sign of madness: losing the argument.

Get over it, ducks….

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